Blogarsay

Need a bethroom?

I've been looking at this sign all week as I walk to work, and I find it fascinating. Are there four bathrooms, or four bedrooms? Or is a bethroom an unholy hybrid of the two?

Just Say No

Many years ago, the smartest woman in the world gave me some great advice, hoping to mentor me into improving a newsletter I used to edit. She told me that being an editor is really hard, because you have to say no to people a lot. You have to be very demanding about what you choose to publish, always asking yourself if the story is interesting enough for your readers. You even have to say no to your boss sometimes, when he or she suggests a story that makes sense for internal reasons, but which you know will turn out to be a dud. It sounds obvious, but I think her point is often missed by people editing newsletters, and especially people publishing blogs.

I read a lot of blogs. I collect them compulsively as I surf the Internets. And as I peruse the blogosphere, I think about Virginia's advice a lot. As much as I believe that blogging is a revolution in our culture, I also see that there's a lot of really boring stuff out there, and as a reader, I wish bloggers would show a bit more self-restraint. For what it's worth, here are some of the pet peeves of a blog fanatic:

Don't describe your blog as "the random thoughts of..." or "a day in the life of..." Zzzzzzzzzz
Don't telegraph your humor. (Joke!) If you have to tell someone you're joking, it's not funny.
For god's sake, learn to spell.
If it's been on Boing Boing, or Instapundit, or the like, don't bother posting about it unless you've really got something to add.
(And just an aside, don't ever, ever, have music start playing automatically on your Web site. It makes me want to stab you.)

And finally, for the love of sweet boneless jebus, write shorter posts. (This one's really pushing it, I know.) Many of us read hundreds of blogs. If you can't get to the point in less than three paragraphs, maybe you shouldn't post.

Would the commenters like to add anything to the list?

New House!

We moved into our new house on Sunday. Lessons learned this weekend:

We have too much stuff.
Our new high-definition TV rocks. Especially for watching Italy kick ass in the World Cup.
Crickets are a menace to society.
It's pretty sweet to drink wine in your pajamas, in your very own backyard.

Oh, and moving sucks. Hopefully we won't do it again for another 10 or 20 years.

Fox Motards Beg for Censorship

Wow is right.

The 24-hour economy

Dear Yahoo! Travel:

Thanks so much for being concerned about my financial security. It's great that you noticed that the phone number I provided was different than the one on my credit card account. And don't get me wrong, it was nice of you to call and check, but did you have to do it at FOUR IN THE MOTHER-EFFIN MORNING!?

I know you're in India, but jeez, a girl needs her beauty rest.

Love,
Jennifer

It is to laugh, oui?

Al Zarqawi's Mom's Blog

Susan Sarandon offered to take me rollerblading in the park. I like her because she is older than me. She introduced me to someone named David Crosby. He smelled like death and excrement. And that makes me hungry. Perhaps room service will have something that i will like. I enjoy dried leaves and the flesh of small birds. If they don't have either, then they will die. Slowly - I predict!

Google Reader

Looks like Google fixed a few of my complaints in Reader, but I'm still sticking with Bloglines for now.

Next Time, Sedation Dentistry

Dear Dental Hygienist:

Thanks for humming a little tune as you scraped the living shit out of my gums today. It's always nice to have some music while you watch the copious amounts of blood going through the suction machine. And I appreciated the tiny amount of topical anesthetic you put on there, which brought the pain down to a nice stabbing level, rather than the intense misery I felt last time.

Am I getting old and decrepit, or are you just a hardass? My previous cleanings were simple affairs. Sure, there might have been a tiny bit of bleeding, and I always got a lecture about not flossing enough, but I never felt like crying before. Why am I reminded of Martin Amis when I visit you?

You might think that I would resolve to change my ways and start taking better care of my teeth, but I think we both know that's not going to happen. So start sharpening up those pokey tools and stock up on gauze. My inflamed gums and I will be back to see you in January.

Love,
Jennifer

Goodbye Google Reader

Dear Google Reader:

Just wanted to let you know that I've decided to go back to Bloglines. I really like your smooth interface, the way you can star posts and publish them on your Web site, and your blog search, but I find it too hard to organize my feeds. You also seem a little slow in retrieving new posts, and I really hate that you don't have a "mark all read" button. You're still in beta, so there's still hope. Maybe I'll come back when you've got your shit together.

Love, Jennifer

P.S. I'm not mad, just disappointed. Your siblings, Google Notebook and Google Desktop, are awesome. I use them all the time. Why can't you be more like them?

Cats That Look Like Hitler

Once, long ago, we went to an animal shelter in West L.A. to visit the prisoners. There, among the strays, we found a cat that bore a striking resemblance to a certain homicidal dictator. Since then, we've always regretted not taking little Adolf home with us. Now I can remember him at Hitler cats!, where he and his brethren are given the attention they so richly deserve. Finally, right?

Dear Evil Discussor

I must spread the word about the Evil Discussor blog. I wish I could write like that.